There Is a Higher Purpose

"We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him: who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

As I write this, I need to remind myself that there is always a higher purpose, one that I cannot pretend to know, yet, but need to believe exists. From experience, I KNOW it exists, yet I'm still asking "Why?" How many times have I realized years after a heartache of my own that there was a great lesson to be learned in a disappointment or failure? But how does a parent impart that wisdom on a child? My son is also asking "Why?", and I am certain it won't be the last time.

Benjamin is my middle child, the one who is most like me - an overachiever who has little patience for his own imperfections. He gets it honestly and without pressure from either parent; he is his own worst enemy when it comes to criticism. But he also has a generous heart with the ability to rise above his own suffering and rejoice in those around him. That doesn't come from me, but it's a beautiful thing to witness.

Last year, he had abdominal surgery to deal with his ongoing GI issues, which will forever be a medical problem for him. I watched in awe as he worked hard to return to his sport of choice - running. He loves to run...to the bus stop, around the "block" ( a short 6 miles), through the woods, over the hills, in any and every park, on the beach...you get it. He just HAS to do it. It took him approximately six months to get back in shape, and then another six months to reap the benefits of an intense training program to improve his speed. By the end of his cross country season as a sophomore, he was running beautifully and his times were his trophy. He was positive - we all were - that it was the start of something great.

Then winter track rolled around. After only a few days off, he began training again. This time, with less intensity since the distances were shorter. But oddly, his times were getting slower. He began to fall further and further behind in his practices, and he complained of being tired. So we sent him to the doctor for some blood work. After a lot of back and forth, he was finally diagnosed with mono. Mono. Another six month (minimum) recovery. We are still in the recovery period, and Ben has stopped running altogether. Chris and I, along with Ben's coach, made this very difficult decision to force him to rest until he can regain his energy - and hopefully rest up for the summer so he can once again return to the sport he loves.

But in the meantime, we wait and watch all of his fellow runners progress and improve and win medals and break records at competitions. Although Ben is cheering for them and seems genuinely happy for his teammates, he is sad. And he's mad. And he's starting to withdraw a little.

"A man's spirit can endure sickness, but who can survive a broken spirit?" Proverbs 18:14

Although Ben is struggling with these emotions, he has the gift of humility, a gift that I think many teenagers lack. He demonstrated this the other night when I volunteered the two of us to take part in a track & field fund raiser at his school, where he had to call and ask for donors to contribute funds for a new track. This kid can't even use the track and is no longer racing with the team; yet he agreed to this task and did it with a smile on his face. He has humbled himself. I know God has a bigger plan for this child than I can even imagine, and part of that plan can and will be revealed through some of the many disappointing moments he will continue to face. All I can do for him is listen. I wonder how many times he'll continue to get up and fight? I have a feeling that although he will continue to ask "why?", he will never give up.