Rugby, Unbroken

There are times when parenting is exhilarating and I feel a fullness that I cannot put into words. Those times have always involved a personal triumph that I was fortunate to either witness or participate in and usually require a lot of effort along the way. All three of my children have recently experienced such triumphs and I feel the need to write about each one so that I can preserve the joy for the rainy days ahead, when I undoubtedly will experience some parenting lows. This one is about my oldest son.

Nathaniel has had an ongoing struggle with school and does not know where he currently fits in academically or will eventually fit in the world. This is probably typical of many sixteen-year-olds, but he's my first, so I have nothing to compare him with. He does not like to study, attend class, or play sports. He marches to the drum of his own beat. He is unique. While at times I love this about him because he can be entertaining, it has also presented parental challenges. I send him daily to an educational system that expects kids to sit in a desk all day and listen to lectures, with the end goal of absorbing facts that kids will most likely not retain in a few years - or even in a few days. Occasionally, an outstanding teacher comes along and opens a door for a struggling student by offering a chance to think differently, a chance to experience learning in an altogether different way. My son has never enjoyed team sports and we've tried many: we attempted roller hockey, soccer, basketball, football and baseball. While I loved competition when I was involved in sports, I had no idea just how important they were to child development, until my son fell in love with rugby this year. Rugby?? This sounds too rough - I mean, he hated football - why rugby? But I, too, have fallen in love with the sport; but not because of the game itself, but rather for what it has done for my son; and the coaching staff collectively are the outstanding teachers who have opened this door.

Nathaniel is the blond with the ball

Nathaniel attends Bishop Shanahan High School, which is a terrific fit for our family. I had my doubts when I first decided to send Nathaniel there, worried that kids with affluence at a private school would leave him feeling more alienated than he did at public school. But with every event I attend, I have a renewed sense of pride in this choice. Nathaniel was encouraged by some of his newly-made friends to give rugby a try when he was a freshman. He attended a few practices, but injured himself in a totally-unrelated long-boarding accident, which prevented him from finishing the freshman season. He made it to the sophomore season this year and finished without injury, and with - for the first time ever - a love of team and the sport. While watching him play throughout the season, I witnessed young men encouraging each other, supporting each other, and growing with each other. They learned to communicate without speaking any words, and became a brotherhood that I was even a little envious of. I watched Nathaniel work hard for the first time ever, running a lot and lifting weights even off the field and away from practice. He became committed to his team and did not want to let them down. He became a part of something bigger than himself - and belonged for the first time ever.

Nate is #1, preparing to lift a teammate for a pass

This week, we attended the rugby sports banquet to celebrate a closing season and honor the seniors moving on to their next chapter. My husband and I sat with other parents, while Nathaniel sat with the sophomores on the team. When I first sat down, I was horrified by the agenda sitting at my plate - we had four hours ahead of us of presentations, dinner, and prayer. Four hours? How in the world would I sit through that?

The night began with a prayer from the student responsible for "team morality". This was new to me - a student responsible for morality? The young man said a prayer and we prayed thanksgiving together for dinner. It was short and sweet, but started off the night on a positive note. Apparently, every practice and every game began with a prayer. We then ate dinner, banquet style. As we made our way to the food table, I witnessed boys with worse table manners than my own kids - and I loved it! These kids were just like mine! I saw a boy clean his shoe with his cloth napkin and another boy pick up his fallen spaghetti off the floor with his fork. Another boy spilled his iced tea all over the table while another somehow lost his eating utensils. Private school or not, they were all just boys.

Once dinner ended, the speeches began. The first was led by a student, who gave us a presentation on penance. This is the Coach's requirement that one student each year present on an educational and historical topic in the church and find a way to relate it to their sport. The boy (a friend of Nathaniel's) had us laughing through the entire presentation.

The night continued as a class representative for each grade level spoke about his teammates. Listening to each boy brought us more laughter, and more of a sense of camaraderie among these boys and coaches. Even though each speaker was nervous, they each showed preparedness and leadership, all part of Coach's master plan. He says his goal is to turn these boys into capable men, well beyond their rugby-playing days. Nathaniel's class representative spoke highly of Nathaniel, saying that he was a force to be reckoned with, that his advice to anyone in Nathaniel's way as he ran down the field was to move out of the way. He claimed Nathaniel's head was full of steam and there was no stopping him. Imagine Nathaniel's pride as he heard one of his teammates say this about him? Nathaniel later surprised me by saying that he hopes he is chosen to give such a speech next year. Nathaniel wants to speak publicly, did I hear him correctly? No classroom has ever motivated him like this!

The coaches were next, and they handed out stories and awards to underclassmen and seniors, reserving their most special honor for the graduating class. The head coach, Coach Greg Karabin, set the tone with all the coaches, and showed a love of the sport but more importantly of the boys. Most of the assistant coaches (Mark Shaeffer, Micheal Barbera, Kevin Hennessy, Chris Ponto, and Mark Hurley) are alumni of Shanahan and the rugby team - they don't want to leave! The final presentations were made with a gift to each senior (an autographed photo of the playing field). The co-captains surprised everyone by reciting a poem that they had written in honor of their coaches. They teased with inside jokes, but also shared their awe for these teachers, which was evident in the words they chose. It was a beautiful night and the four hours flew by. Once again, I was left feeling grateful that we are able to send Nathaniel to this school, and happy for him that he is finally able to experience being a part of a team and a sport that he loves.