When Will She Bloom?

You would never know that it's springtime in Cochranville. Snow flurries continue to swirl and my skin feels raw in the wind. I hear that Groundhog Phil is being indicted, accused of lying as winter marches on. I keep looking where my daffodils and tulips are supposed to be, wishing I could force them to bloom. If only it worked that way.

My daughter, Gracie, speaks her mind freely and does not hide her emotions. She is sensitive to those around her and will be the first person to make friends with a lonely one in the corner. She loves to dance and be on stage. She draws colorful pictures with heartfelt messages to her family. She craves affection and makes no bones about telling you when she hasn't had enough. Her laugh is infectious and people are drawn to her personality. But she has one area of her life that causes her great concern: she's just not as good in school as she would like to be.

She is not stupid, by any means. She understands a lot for a 3rd grader. She's had a lot of absences this year due to her asthma, but I'm not convinced that her absence from school is hindering her learning. (More on that another day.) My heart breaks when I hear her say, "Mom, all the other kids say this stuff is so easy. Why is it not easy for me? Why do I have to work so hard?" And she is right - she works really hard. After school, she only has about 30 minutes of downtime before she does her homework. Once she does her homework and has her dinner, she goes to dance or youth group or softball. We spend the 15 minutes to and from each of her activities practicing her math facts. Once she returns home, she does flash cards and reads. We take turns reading to each other after her shower, just before bed. Somewhere in the middle of all this, we do three nebulizer treatments, two inhalers twice a day, and additional allergy medicine. We do this every single day.

Gracie and Big Brother who prayed her into existence

Please understand that I am not complaining. But how do I answer her when she asks, "Mom, why am I not as smart as the others?" I have no words. None. I've tried several times to talk to her about gifts and how we each have special gifts to share that are unique and blah, blah, blah. But she knows. She knows that at this time in her life, she is not as smart as the others. She understands what she reads - she just does not read as fluently as she should and therefore is "reading below grade level". She can solve a math problem - she just does not do the calculations as fast as she should. Everything academic takes her longer. She runs faster and does more pull-ups than anyone in her class; but according to her, that doesn't really matter. She hasn't figured it all out, yet, nor does she know what a gift she is. She's a beautiful little girl who came into my life unexpectedly after her big brother prayed for a little sister at a time when I was pretty sure I was not having any more kids. And she has been an absolute joy! At her young age, she is well aware that the playing field is not so even. Some kids are blessed more in some areas than others.

Just like our spring flowers, Gracie will blossom when she's ready. My oldest taught me that years ago. I just wish I had the words to make her understand that it's ok and she's perfect just the way she is.