It is every parent's dream, to hear another adult say, "Your boy is a fine young man, you should be proud." Honored is more like it. She said it about my oldest son, NC, who has hated school since the 4th grade - ever since I transferred him from a small private Christian school with 9 students in his classroom to the public school with 25 students in his classroom. I remember how much he hated it, but he kept pretty quiet because he knew there was no other way at the time. He was being very grown-up by just dealing with the change. "Kids are resilient." "He'll adjust." "He's so bright, he'll be fine." So many people threw well-meaning phrases my way, because I couldn't bear the thought of my oldest son being unhappy. And thinking back on this very big change and how he coped, I am truly blessed that he is my son.
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| NC in 2nd Grade |
You see, he's not the type of kid that fits in the mold expected for public school kids. I'm not knocking public schools, so all the teachers out there please do not get upset by this. I am an educator and worked for years in the public school system, I know how tough you have it. My other two students are attending public school. But my oldest son is special, he is unique in the way he learns, behaves, interacts, and lives. Wait a minute, you say, all kids are, aren't they? That's exactly my point; mine needed something different that we could not/did not give him until this year. Many teachers from last year were upset that we were withdrawing him; and understandably, with all the budget cuts and kids choosing alternatives, it's a threat to their livelihood (doesn't that make you think something should change, there? But that's for a whole other day and discussion). I would make this decision all over again because the transformation in this child is so evident. He had gained a lot of weight in his final year in public, his grades plummeted and he became withdrawn. He's now lost weight, is (still and will always be) working on his grades as they gradually improve, and he's much more outgoing and happy again - just like when he was at the private Christian school years ago. The people he's surrounded by every day are happy, positive people, and they are accepting of him and happy to be with him.
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| NC in 9th grade |
"Distracted", she said. I've heard it a thousand times before. "Your son's biggest problem in school is focus. He's too distracted." Tell me about it. We've been working forever on this. "Try using a planner," she says. Been there, done that. The problem is that he thinks we, the parental unit, are crazy now that he has graduated to the ripe old maturity of 15, and why would we want to see his assignment book? Before we could even voice our concerns, that sweet counselor (who also happens to be a nun that NC just cannot say no to) said, "Son, you're going to show me your assignment book every day before you go home and I'm going to sign it. Mom and dad, I'll check back in with you in a week and let you know how NC's doing. Before you know it, this will be a habit." (No pun intended, I'm sure). O-M-G...did she just offer to
do something for him? To help him get organized? Not just tell us what to do, but offer to give some personal attention to him? She also said she'd pair him up with not one, but two tutors to work with him weekly on getting him organized. Can you see me smiling? I'm not sure it's going to work - but someone just told NC that he is a fine young man, and worth spending energy and time on - that someone (besides his crazy family) cares about him. She went on to say that she did a survey of his teachers in preparation for our meeting, and then she read all the nice things his teachers had to say about him. They really like having him in class, they say he's pleasant, respectful, and bright, but not focused/distracted. She said it's clear he's painfully shy and that's why asking for help must be difficult, so she gave him a nudge to set up a meeting with two teachers and she's going to follow up with him on this tomorrow.
I am actually giddy with happiness for him. Embrace this gift, my love. And I don't care what anyone says about Catholics, this day I'm proud to be one, and proud that my son has the opportunity to attend a Catholic school like
Bishop Shanahan.
In a way, I feel really sorry for all first born children. They are our guinea pigs, they are where we parents make all kinds of goofs. Not intentionally, of course, but parenting is like everything else - you just get better with practice. And my oldest has been a casualty of my inexperience as a mom, but he's also getting the loudest cheers and biggest triumphs so far. That's gotta count for something. Yes, sister, I am proud to call him son. And someday, I know, he'll be proud to call me mom.
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